Written by Nam, Kang, Translated by Me, Raoul Teacher. All Rights Reserved.
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8-4.
‘How can I forgive and accept myself like that?’
The degree of my evil doings that were reflecting one by one was increasing.
‘The bad person like me may as well die instead of healing.”
Such a person like me was on the way to meet the divine doctor to cure myself?
I couldn’t forgive myself.
Soon I hit the mirror with my fist. The mirror got broken and scattered fast into the magic river. But new mirrors appeared and soon filled the empty place. And soon from the mirror, I invariably saw my bad behaviors. The ‘me’ in the mirror, or numerous ‘me’s laughed at me. In this situation, I thought that I would feel more comfortable if I had to throw myself away into the magic river with broken mirror pieces. Between the laughing noise from inside of the mirror, the piano melody was not endless. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t see myself on the mirror. Where on earth was I? In the world what was my presence?
At that moment, my magician friend’s voice came to me.
“Trust yourself.”
I repeated his words endlessly.
“You have to trust yourself. You may as well trust yourself.”
I collapsed on the place. Closing my eyes, I touched the stairway. And using my knees, I went up one by one. Into my both ears, countless sounds were coming. Those were all my voices.
“Open your eyes! Look at me!”
I didn’t open my eyes. All I did was just going up one by one with my knees. My knees got bloody soon.
‘Trust yourself. Just trust yourself.’
Not to hear any sound that was coming into my ears, I shouted my mind’s sound desperately. Every step was cutting my mind like a razor blade. If my mind had been paper, it must have been torn and scattered, being blown away with wind. Like that, I managed to go up the whole steps.
And I tried to touch anything. The stairway was gone. Then, all the noise disappeared. The piano melody was only heard through my ears softly. I opened my eyes carefully. At the first sight, I noticed a man wearing a beautiful white suit. He was playing the piano. On the piano made of mirror and keyboard made of mirror, his soft hands were dancing freely. And from the tip of his fingers, a beautiful melody was being sent to me. I managed to move my body up, buy I couldn’t move at all ‘till the music stopped.
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8-5
“A ha, you succeeded in coming up here.”
The man in a shining white suit stopped playing. He finally stood up. On the piano, his shadow remained there and kept on playing the piano instead. It was a grotesque scene to me. While he was approaching me, I couldn’t move at all like I became plaster.
He came close to me, unfolded his thin and long fingers, and stretched them to me.
“Welcome. Thank you for walking up the stairway.”
The man’s white skin and clothes made me ashamed. Since I came here, I didn’t wash myself well at all. He was shining like a prince and I looked like a beggar. He said to me in a soft voice.
“Before stepping up here, many people tend to go back to the magic river. Only the way to return is outrageous. It has been quite a while since I saw my friend to come. Welcome with all my heart and soul.”
The white man asked me to shake his hands. And then, I felt like I woke up from a long nightmare.
“What on earth is the mirror?”
The man replied.
“Yes, it reflected all of your distorted looks. My work is to get rid of self-trust inside of the people’s minds. It’s easy because mirror does everything for me. Through the mirror, people can see their own weakness, immaturity, and evil. In conclusion, they come to deny themselves. Due to the lost self-trust, they will be the one who can’t do anything at all.”
From his words, I felt like a piece of wind pierced my bone. I also wanted to break the mirror and throw myself away down into the magic river like I gave up myself!
“Now I understand. It is the final method that a man without self-trust can choose.”
The white man said like soothing me.
“Please be seated for a while. I will play a song for you.”
He handed me a mirror chair and said.
“Listen. Recently I composed this song.”
He started to play the piano. I couldn’t tell that this was a dream or a reality for me. The man who was playing for me, the mirrors spread everywhere, and the mirror piano made me feel like I came to be in heaven after I jumped into the magic river. He kept on playing slowly. I didn’t know how much time passed. All I could do was just pinch my thigh to see if I was alive.
Note -
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